my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
