you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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