I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
