Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
