I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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