I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
