Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
