So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
