Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
