so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
