I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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