You can't motorboat a personality
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
