do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
