oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
