You can't special order awesome
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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