Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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