Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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