i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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