Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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