I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
