i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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