we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
