cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The power of my boobs compel you
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
