1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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