I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
being pregnant is like rehab
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
