i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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