Yo dont text me then not text me
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
