Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can text with my tongue
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
