it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
