last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
