You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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