I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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