I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
