I want to have your abortion
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
