If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
