i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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