just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
