nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
