One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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