Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
