I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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