11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
