My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
