The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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