I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
