I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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