This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
