I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
