I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
