hell yes lets make some ravioli
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
