Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
