I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
