I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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