This girl is more easily done than said...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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