you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
